I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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