You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
