There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
