Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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