i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
