3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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