If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
