I think I died a long time ago.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
