Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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