Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
