did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
