Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
