Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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