i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
