Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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