I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
