I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
