Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
