yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
