I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
