My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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