youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
