I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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