i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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