she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
