absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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