I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
