remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she peed on how many people?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
