ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
