dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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