She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
