Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
