oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
