ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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