I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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