how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
