He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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