i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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