just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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