I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
