i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
