Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
