She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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