Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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