i don't like sucking hair
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
