I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
