hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there was a trapeze. enough said
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
