Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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