this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
