her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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