So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
